When a Purpose Driven Life Suddenly Loses Its Purpose

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When a Purpose Driven Life Suddenly Loses Its Purpose

By Johnalee Johnston | Apr 6, 2020

In life there often comes a time when looking back is pointless and the future feels impossible. This moment was made for looking within.

Or looking up. I have done both, especially in recent days. I’ve turned my gaze toward the stars and searched for the wind like a captain lost at sea, the colors of my mast clenched in night’s nimble hands. I’ve surmised theories for theories—the whys, the hows, the what ifs—and have felt, at times, like a speck of dust floating in sacred crepuscular rays, insignificant yet full of hope, purpose and the great adjacent possibility. I’ve looked within and traversed the outer reaches of my being; a glimpse of the universe, a burned-out but somehow still glowing ember of stars held together by gravity, some say love, others say purely biological mishmash, but surely by the impermanence and permanence of time.

And this was just this past week.

Because life has slowed in recent days but my inner world is traveling at the speed of light; at the lightness of ‘being’ instead of ‘doing’ or ‘becoming.’ Truth be told, I’ve been on this path for some time. That of reflection, self-scrutiny and the deconstruction of norms, ego and conditioning, which purportedly lead one down the winding, ruggedness of an enlightened life…eventually. My still-in-progress transformation has been referred to as kundalini awakening, but the name of the road that we travel on our way to awaken into who we are meant to be in this lifetime isn’t nearly as important as where it takes us. The journey is as important, however, as the catalyst that gets us moving. And I suspect that many of you, for some time now, have been transforming quietly within your chrysalis as well. Now is your time to fly.

We all have our individual catalysts, our momentaneous triggers. If we are open to growing and evolving, some push us toward an appreciation of the little things, others grant us perspective of the big picture. What astounds and humbles me at this moment in our shared blip of time on earth, is that our individual catalysts seem to also be a collective experience.

Let me ask the questions that I know are on many minds: Are we responsible for what’s happening on our planet right now? Are we collective catalysts for this great unraveling of life as we know it? Has all of our pillaging of and dumping on this beautiful planet and its splendid diversity sparked a major course correction by Mother Earth? Law of Attraction aside, there’s no way to tell for sure. And given the sheer loss of life, it’s not something any one of us would like as a claim to fame.

What I do know, is that within each of us is the possibility for greatness of many spectrums. Within each of us is a glimpse of the sublime. Within every one of us is a shepherd, much like Coelho’s Santiago, on an endless quest for treasure that can only be found within. What I believe, is that everything being relative, every problem has an equal solution. But we must first clearly identify the problem. What I know, is that like Santiago in "The Alchemist" we are alchemists of our everyday lives. And we may very well be unraveling into something better versus away from something that was strikingly reminiscent by all definitions of the status quo.

And so I revert back to the stuff of stars—who we are as humans. We are dreamers at the core, and we are the dream. Literally comprised of stardust. We look up and we look in. Who have we dreamed ourselves into being? Are we the dream of our ancestors or the hope that was held? Could it be that we are too busy being busy, finding value in the moving and shaking—the gilded cages of profit over purpose—that we have forgotten what it is to live with meaning; to be free and help others find their wings?

When we look back on our lives before the great outbreak, I wonder if the doomsday moment will, in fact, be a global pandemic or the realization of who we were before; catalysts of all that was and never was. Before we rush back to what was, perhaps we should take a moment to consider what we are rushing back to.

And then, by the grace of God, Universe, Source, Spirit, or whatever name you do or don't prescribe to the divine, standing in the highest version of ourselves that we can be, may we be the change we seek.



Johnalee Johnston
Johnalee Johnston

Johnalee Johnston is a wildly creative and curious disruptor of the status quo and the former digital editor for MPI.