There's a certain pit-in-the-stomach feeling that creeps in when you realize you’ve said, "Yes," to a gig—and low-key resent it. Maybe it’s a speaking event. Maybe it’s a "small" consulting ask that snowballs into hours of prep and follow-up. Maybe it’s a client that sucks up all your time via Zoom calls and emails.

Either way, you know the moment because it hits somewhere between "Sure, I’d love to help" and "Wait, I’m doing this for what?"

I’ve been there. More than once.

Early in my speaking journey, I made the classic mistake: assuming someone’s budget limitations, slashing my rates accordingly and calling it generosity.

In reality, it wasn’t. It was fear, dressed up as empathy. It was playing small because I was afraid to play big. I thought I was being helpful by meeting them "where they were." But what I was really doing was undercutting my own value and creating a situation where resentment festered quietly in the background.

And here’s the hard lesson when it comes to your pricing: It’s not the client’s job to determine your worth. It’s yours.

THE DAMAGE OF UNDERCHARGING

When you say yes to work that doesn’t pay you fairly, it doesn’t just hit your bank account—it chips away at your confidence, your time and your energy. You might think, "Well, it’s just this once," but patterns form quickly. People talk. Referrals happen. And suddenly, you’re the "budget-friendly" expert when you were aiming for "industry leader."

Worse still? That quiet frustration you feel? Clients can sense it. And no matter how good your content is, if you’re bringing even a hint of bitterness into the room, it changes the dynamic.

ASSUMPTIONS ARE EXPENSIVE

In hindsight, many of the clients I lowballed myself for would’ve happily paid full price if only I’d asked.

Let me be clear: That was on me. By not respecting my own rate, I made it harder for clients to do the same. And I’ve since learned that charging fairly isn’t rude or unreasonable, it’s respectful—to yourself, to your craft and to the people who want to hire you because of your experience and impact.

So, here’s what I say now when approached for speaking engagements or consulting work: "Here’s my standard fee. Let’s talk about the value you’re looking to create, and how I can help deliver it."

Sometimes the answer is yes. Sometimes it’s a negotiation. But always, I lead with value, not apology.

HEALTHIER MONEY CONVERSATIONS

When we avoid the money conversation, we do more than just undersell ourselves, we reinforce the idea that our work should be done for love, exposure or vague promises of "future opportunities." Do other professional industries normalize this kind of undervaluing? Should ours?

If this hits a nerve, good. It should. Take a look at your next opportunity and ask yourself, "Am I charging what I’m worth or what I think they can afford?"

Stop assuming. Start asking. You might be surprised who’s ready to say yes to your full value.